Stop saying yes. when you really want to say no!

AHHHH YES I am talking to you honey!

Aren’t you tired of pretending it’s what you want, when it’s not?

Aren’t you over the feelings of anxiety from when you say yes, when you really want to say no?

Because one thing is for sure.
Saying yes. when you really want to say no.
Is so unhealthy for your well-being

And no I did not always understand.
Or believe this to be true.
In fact, you could have quite easily
Crowned me the “People Pleasing YES girl!”

LOL

It’s true.
I have a massive heart.
I ALWAYS love to help others.
I mean let’s be honest.
If I had the capacity to hold space for every human in suffering or need.
I would.
But here’s what I have learned.
When you accept that you are not in this earth to people please, you are here to find your way back to your purpose and passions.
And although we must live from a place of service.
You must learn it’s healthy to set boundaries
And that order for you to be Authentic and live into your truth.
You must learn to listen to what FEELS good for you and your soul.
Versus what you FEEL is the “right” thing to do for SOMEONE else’s soul.

Yes there is a fine line.
And yes it’s a tough one sometimes.
But does this make sense?

You must Live your life for you, not for anyone else. You can’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself”

So if you get it. Then honey tell me. does this resonate.

SCENARIO ONE:
You have had a super busy week.
Perhaps you have being working long days.
It’s Friday afternoon.
All you want to do is RELAX when you get home.
You are SO excited about kicking back and chilling for a weekend.
Then SOMEONE calls or messages you.
They ask you for your help moving house the next day.
You instantly cringe inside.
All of these thoughts start racing through your mind about what your 1 of 2 days off is going to look like.
You literally feel sick because YOU just don’t want to do it.
But you feel SO guilty saying no.
You couldn’t possibly live with the guilt.
Plus this SOMEONE has done something kind for you like 5 years ago.
And you just know you wouldn’t feel like a good person if said no.
SO…. you say YES anyway.

SCENARIO TWO:
You are running around with the kids.
It’s been a CRAZY day.
Youve had School drop off.
One of the kids is sick in the car.
You have a 4 bdrm house to clean.
You have 5 loads of washing to do.
You have sport commitments, Jacobs soccer & Rachael’s athletics.
The food shopping needs to be done.
Your operating on 2 hours sleep.
The baby is unsettled.
Husband forgot his lunch so you need to drop that off.
All you feel like doing is. Hiding under and blanket and crying.
Your experiencing exhaustion you just don’t see the tress through the forest.
Then SOMEONE calls or texts you.
They “need” you . And ask can you please have Coffee with them.
You sense the desperation in the message.
You love this SOMEONE
But You still have SO much to do.
What will they want or need from you.
Energetically you just don’t know if you have the capacity to help them.
BUT you are a good kind hearted person.
So you couldn’t say no.
You immediately drop what your doing and
And say yes you will make time.

SCENARIO THREE.
You have a really freaken crazy massive vision.
You know that in order to achieve this vision
You will have had some obvious life style changes.
You COMMIT with every inch of you.
You’re on track.
You’re in aligned action.
You’re feeling sooo good.
Your feeling a like your really going to make your dreams a reality.
You have your routine schedule
You haven’t really seen much of your friends.
You have missed so many social events.
You are feeling like there is a tiny feeling that you are missing out.
You get a invite to SOMEONES birthday party
This isn’t just any SOMEONE
this is one of your “best friends”
It’s a Saturday night and you have a really important event of the Sunday.
You go to RSVP that you “can’t make it”
Then YOU feel the wave of judgement hit you.
You know this SOMEONE will feel so hurt and you will look like the worst friend in the world.
But you really don’t want to go.
Your soul s saying no.
Your heart is saying no,
But your mind is saying “but you have to go”
Sooo yup you got it.
You say YES anyway.

REGARDLESS of YOUR scenario.
If you keep on saying YES to things that
do not FEEL good for your soul.
AND that do not align with your highest values .
Then you will create yourself a world of drama.
And a pathway to resentment, pain and struggle.

So here’s a few things to think about when it comes to your beliefs and why you might be saying yes , when you really want to say. No :

1. DO YOU KNOW YOUR VALUE

Learning to say no is realising that you are valuable and choosing your own feeling about yourself over others.

I have learned that if you live your life depending on other people’s approval, you will never feel free and authentically happy.

If you depend on other people’s approval, what you are basically saying is “Their opinion of me is more important than my opinion about myself.”

If your opinion of yourself is actually quite low, remember that:

Your problems do not define you.
It’s okay to make mistakes—nobody is perfect, and everybody does things that they regret; this is what makes us human.
What makes a person great is not their looks or achievements, but their willingness to love others, be humble, and grow as a person.
You are unique, valuable, and important. No one else in this world can offer what you can.

2. DO YOU BELIEVE SAYING NO MEANS YOUR A HORRIBLE PERSON?

Saying no doesn’t mean that you are rude, selfish, or unkind.

These are all UNHEALTHY beliefs that make it hard to say no.

Learning where these beliefs have come from is a great way to learn to let go of them.

Tell me Did you ever wonder why it was so easy to say no when you were a little kid and why it has become so difficult now? What happened?

Well, as children, we learned that saying no was impolite or inappropriate.

Go figure!

Remember if you said no to your parents, teacher, uncle, grandparents, and so on, you were more often than not considered to be being rude, and you would have probably been told off for it.

Saying no was off limits, and yes was the polite and likable thing to say.

Now that we are all adults, we are more mature and capable of making our own choices, as well as knowing the difference between wrong and right. Therefore, NO shouldn’t be an off limits word, but rather something that we decide on ourselves, based on our own discretion And what feels good for our soul .

But sadly, we hold onto our childhood beliefs and we continue to associate no with being dislikeable, bad mannered, unkind, or selfish. We worry that if we say no, we will feel humiliated, guilty, or ashamed, and will end up being alone, rejected, or abandoned.

3. DO YOU ASK YOURSELF, IS IT REALLY WORTH IT?

The third step to learning to say no is deciding if saying yes is really worth it.

After committing to something, doubt eventually sets in and you may begin to think of ways you can get out of it.

And if you don’t have any good excuses, you then have to decide if you are going to tell the truth or come up with a lie.

Think about the anguish, stress, and resentment that saying yes has caused you. Wouldn’t it be so much easier and straightforward to just say no in the first place?

LET THAT SIMMER FOR A SECOND!

You are so much more than enough as you are.

Use the From struggle to strength mindset
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1730294320517693

And Stop being a people pleasure, so you can start doing what feels good for your soul!

I love you.
I celebrate you.
I honour you.
I see you.
I believe in you.
And I’ll always hold space for you.

Marissa xx

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