BLOWING OUT SOMEONE ELSE’S CANDLE DOES NOT MAKE YOUR’S SHINE ANY BRIGHTER❗️

Today here in Australia we are wearing the colour orange to support “anti bullying day”

I personally don’t like using language that focuses on the negative connotation of a serious situation or mass problem.

If I could I would rename it I would call it
“SELF-LOVE DAY”

Why?

Because since I was a young child. (Like my beautiful son, neice and nephew in this pic.)
I have experienced intense bullying, verbally. Energetically, mentally and physically, and it lasted right through to my mid teens.

Based on what I have learned in my more recent years about human behaviour. It is clear people who feel the need to bully someone else in any kind of behaviour or manner? is a direct reflection of their own insecurities and beliefs.

So if we were to teach more positive connotations around kindness to one another and the power on showing love, compassion, appreciation and acceptance. I believe the healing of this global issue would be more powerful.

I want to share a little story with you about my personal experience with bullying and the impact it has had in my life.

So if you have time, I invite you to stay with me. And none of what I’m sharing is for pity so please hold space trusting I have healed from this ❤️

I was 10 years old when “bullying” started in my life.
I was always well loved prior to this experience. But with my parents separating and starting a new school in a new town, I was wide open to being “the new girl”.

At first everyone was kind, they seemed to invite me into their well established “circles”.
But as the weeks progressed and I began to shine my talents in the field in athletics, netball and swimming and in the classroom in maths and art. I quickly learned about bullying.

The girls who were the “popular” girls quickly started leaving me out at lunch time.

The girls on the court who were used to being the “best” quickly began shoving me around.

The girls who were used to been the best in the class room quickly started turning their back on me and whispering behind my back.

This “bullying” was more about rejection and at that stage I had not experienced this so it was so painful to pass through.

Once Mum knew the truth behind how I was been treated we changed schools again.

The next school was college. And as excited as I was to start I had no idea what was around the corner.

You see I am of our native blood to our land in New Zealand. I am Maori. And I was very proud to Be.

At this new school they had a bilingual unit where they practised Maori kappa haka and tikanga(which I what I grew up with).
BUT the day I went to walk in to join. I was blocked by 3 other girls who were already in the unit and told i wasn’t welcome because I was a “plastic Maori”. I was 13 years old at this moment and they didn’t know me. I was raised at the marae and spent my whole child hood immersed in tikanga.
I stood there in shock like wtf. And I went to walk around them. Then they grabbed me and threw me on the ground in the front of the Marae.

They stood over me and told me if I tried to come back they would “bash” me.

I was so freaken scared of these girls.
I started faking illnesses to avoid going to school. But eventually Mum caught onto me.

Each day I would walk to school on my own, these girls were waiting at the gate. They would shoulder barge me and push me around.

It got to a point a teacher would escort me from class to class.

In hindsight I wish I stood up to them, but besides dealing with my parents separating and family breaking up. I had no courage to stand up to these bullies:

I went from a A+ student to a C+.
My passion for school was lost, my passion for sports and doing my best was gone because I NEVER wanted to draw attention to myself.

I quit swimming.
I quit athletics and I quit netball:
All the things I absolutely loooved.

I started to hang out with a group of kids who wagged school , drank alcohol and well you can prob fill in the gaps.

I then started sneaking out of my window on weekend nights. Until one day Mum caught me.

I remember not giving AF. I was lost, I was so unsure of my identity and I just thought life sucked.

Mum decided to send me back to my dads in hope I would not be bullied.

So I started ANOTHER school at age 14.

Do you think the bullying stopped.

NO!

Once again a group of “popular” girls started been nice to me, until one of the guys they liked , decided he liked me.
WELL WHAT A CRIME!

The jealousy and insecurities of this group of girls was fierce and their actions were cruel.

They beat me up in the bathrooms, in the car park, they would prank call my home at random hour of the night and in class throw stuff at me.

I began to hate school.
I felt alienated.
I Was so confused
I stated questioning what I did so wrong
In the end I got such a big bash, police were involved and I chose to leave school.

The worst thing about all of this
Is I never spoke up about it.
I wouldn’t even tell the police who hurt me.
I was petrified as one of the girls told me her brother had a gun and would use it if she ever got in trouble.

I chose to leave school at age 14.
Because I didn’t see any other option.
I began a course that taught me basic computer skills. Once I completed this course I got my first “job” as a receptionist at a home building company.

I remember been sooooo excited.
My own job and paid work.
But on the 5th day, my admin manager came out to me and told me I should just go pump petrol cause I’m wasting her time always asking questions 😱

As you can imagine I felt unworthy.
I felt useless and I actually questioned it she was right.

This was obviously a different type of bullying.
But here’s the thing
No matter if it’s
School yard bullying.
Social media bullying
Work place bullying
In home bullying

The impact this has on ones mindset can end in a life time of suffering or even worse, death.

This s*it needs to ✋!

When I read about young children taking their lives because of bullies, my heart breaks.

I could share so many more experiences that bleed into my adult life but Its not necessary. I think you get the picture.

See here’s the thing, when I reflect back now, I smile. I have found forgiveness in it all and I am just so grateful that every day, I chose to keep moving forward and trust in my dreams.

I now always choose my light, and I love shining bright because it gives others permission to do the same!! (Especially our little ones)!

If you are someone who suffers bullying or knows of this happening around you.

Don’t be a by stander:
Teach your children, and young ones the power in shining bright and speaking up.

Be an encourager, the world has enough critics.

Sending love and light to you all.

Love Marissa

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