You know when I used to hear the word anchor,
I would think of when I was young and how my family,
and I would go out fishing on the boat and I would help my
dad with the anchor to ensure we didn’t float away.
But as I am on this incredible self discovery journey
of growing and expanding my mindset at such a rapid speed,
I find that I am noticing SO MUCH MORE,
especially when things start to feel like heavy or something happens
and I feel overwhelmed, that I notice how patterns show up.
(and most of the time they are self sabotage patterns).
Do you get what I mean??
Well it wasn’t until the other week when I had received some news
that hurt me. It was heavy and unexpected. It came after
a week of many challenges that stretched my soul in every direction,
so I was feeling incredibly vulnerable and delicate, and becasue
of this, an old self destructive pattern showed up.
the pattern was
abort, escape and have a few drinks.
I mean I don’t really even drink anymore,
and its been a LOONG time since I
felt the urge to do this. But I believe when you are up levelling in life
and your about to have a breakdown that means your super close
to a breakthrough….
But at the time, The little girl in me returned..all i wanted to do at the time was run and hide.
Do you ever feel like that?
In fact I was so set on this idea, that in my mind I had already walked myself
through,
putting my son to bed,
singing him off to sleep,
then contacting my girls to join me at bar somewhere close.
in my mind IT WAS DONE!
Now not only was this not my natural behaviour
but it was a sunday night when most of “my girls” would
be settling in and prepping for their week ahead
THATS just was they do as Queens.
Still, in my mind I deserved a few glasses of vino,
and some company.
see heres the thing, the danger in this was,
I hadn’t been drinking in a while so it would have probably
hit me like a brick
and,
I was going into the situation with a low vibration of wanting to escape.
And we all now where that can lead sometimes right
#crying #overthinking #overreacting
don’t get me wrong, i love my cocktails, margaritas and vino,
but these days its generally only when Im celebrating success ,
weather its mine or someone I adore.
Anyway as I had my plan in place,
i had showered,
done my hair and make up
and outfit was ready to slip on.
but then as
I go to tuck my son into bed,
he grabs my hand & he looked me directly in the eyes and said
“mumma, would you please lay with me until i fall asleep?”
Now this was a shock, because
usually we say our gratitudes, prayer and song. then off to dreamland he goes.
Without hesitation, I replied “of course”
but in my mind i was like, ahh its going to get late.
but as I snuggled in next to him, he literally wrapped himself around me
and then laid right on top of me as the heaviest yet comfortable weight.
I instantly felt secure, I instantly felt safe
It was in this moment as I heard his breath and his little heart beat
that I noticed
HE WAS MY ANCHOR.
his craving for me to stay by his side
grounded me, and i felt the power of the divine connection and the magic
in the universe. It was her way of showing me there was nothing
I needed ‘out there” at this moment
that all I needed to feel love and above, was
right here.
This realisation brought tears to my eyes.
because as I lay there for a further hour.
I was bathing in gratitude
for number one, my beautiful gift Jordyn
then number two, my anchor in his love
then number three, that I was aware enough
to catch myself and the self destructive thoughts
before i took action on them
As i climbed out of my sons bed and headed into my room
I literally felt the weight lift off my shoulders and I climbed into bed
giving thanks for the experience
You may not all have children,
but my point is
sometimes in life we are on a strong path
and we have clarity of where we are heading
and we are uplevling everything with certainty and confidence,
then all of a sudden…BOOM
gentle or hard universal nudge to challenge our
strength.
showing us nothing is in control nor should it be?
and your energy is spun in all directions.
and when this happens ALL of our beliefs and our mindset
are challenged, even when we immerse ourselves in
daily practise to understand ourself more.
But please trust the flow
and have faith in something that is
bigger than you.
open up your heart
and notice what or who is your anchor
and give deep thanks for all of it,
give yourself time to breath
allow yourself to feel the connection
and DONT REACT to the chaos,
take the time to just sit with it
then find your strength in trusting
your power and your love.
so grateful for the continued experiences that push
me to “notice” things more every day
and to be able to share them with you.
Love always Marissa
xx